10 Weeks Old...What a week!

Well this was it.  The week I'd been dreading since before Griffin was born.  My maternity leave was over.  Of course last week was the fastest week of my life.  I feel like I blinked and it was over.  My emotions started to run wild Sunday night.  I was rocking G to sleep and just lost it.  The tears flowed like rain.  He of course was fine and non the wiser, but I wound up crying myself to sleep that night as well.  Matthew thought I'd officially lost it.  Monday morning rolls around (shortest night EVER) and as soon as I got him out of bed the boo-hooing started all over again.  I wound up redoing my makeup 3 times and decided I needed to take it with me.  Everytime I'd stop crying long enough to touch it up, something would upset me again and it would be all for nothing.  I knew leaving him was going to be hard, but there is honestly no way anyone can prepare you for what it feels like to leave your baby.  Mommy guilt is 100% real.  He may not know the difference but I sure do.  At one point I picked him up from his bouncy seat, and just stood there hugging him and sobbing.  Matthew was finally starting to understand just how hard this really was.  I wasn't just trying to be dramatic, my heart was honestly breaking.  I hadn't been away from him for more than a few hours total since the embryo transfer last April.  To be away from him for 8 hours in one day, and to do that five days in a row seemed like the worst form of torture ever. 

Matthew went with me to drop Griffin off for the first time.  I don't know if I could've done it by myself.  He had to encourage me to leave.  Telling G goodbye was just plain awful.  It's pretty bad when you make the babysitter cry too!  Thankfully she understood it was in no way directed at her abilities to care for him.  When you try as hard for something as we did for Griffin, it just seems wrong to not be with him all the time.  Matthew got me out the door and into my car and we went our seperate ways.  I of course was crying all the way to school.  As soon as I saw the members of my grade level I lost it all over again.  Thankfully everyone I work with has kids too...they get it.  I finally quit crying about 8:15.  At this point it had been pretty much steady for almost 3 hours.  In other words I was a hot mess.  Thankfully the kids didn't seem to notice! 

As the day went on I had pictures and updates texted to me, which definitely helped ease my anxiety.  He was doing great and happy as could be.  He napped well and ate well, so he was clearly not having any problems.  Mommy had the seperation anxiety!  Matthew called me just before lunch and asked if I wanted him to bring me lunch.  I was not about to turn that down so I told him to absolutely come for lunch.  I wasn't paying attention to when he walked into the lounge until I hear everyone go "awwwee!"  I turned around and not only was he carrying in lunch, but he also had a vase full of flowers with him as well.  He almost had me in tears again, but I managed to hold them back amazingly enough.  He earned the husband of the year award for that!  Everyone was pretty impressed by his gesture and thoughtfulness.  The flowers have been sitting on my desk all week and brighten my mood whenever I'm feeling sad and missing my little guy. 

Thursday G turned 10 weeks!  Double digits already!  It really doesn't seem possible.  This time last year we were getting ready to start meds for IVF.  I can't believe how time has flown.  One month from now will be a year since our embryo transfer and our lives changed forever :o)

Well if you hung with me through this marathon post, THANKS!  If you scrolled straight to the bottom for the pictures I don't blame you a bit.  That's the best part of the posts if you ask me!  So without further adieu here are pics from G's first week at the babysitter and turning 10 weeks old!

My first day at the babysitter's

Home after my first day at the babysitter's

Chillin in the Bumbo!

So sleepy...

Such a big boy!  Sitting in his high chair for the first time!

My flowers from Matthew & G on my first day back at work